Picture this…I have a pair of glasses on that can only see green colors. All the other colors are seen as gray. Now, you have a pair of glasses on that only see blue. You can’t see my green colors and I can’t see your blue colors. Well, what would happen if we traded glasses? My guess is I would be astonished at seeing your blue colors, and you would love to see the greens.
Two people can have exact same experience, but process it completely different. For example, when hubby and I are both faced with the same problem, my first reaction is how I feel about it. His first reaction is how to fix the problem. We both have the exact same problem but our responses are completely different. Can you see how this would cause conflict?
What if we could see how the other person sees the world? What if we could have our eyes opened to how our family, friends or coworkers see the world? Would that cause you to have more grace and forgiveness for them?
What if we could see from each others lenses? We could come along side each other rather than coming at each other.
Besides seeing the other person’s perspectives, what about looking within? Am I angry with them because I am looking at the problem with my own lenses and expecting them to see the problem as I do?! Shouldn’t they be feeling the same way I do about this? Shouldn’t they be reacting to this the way I would?!
Absolutely not!
They are seeing the problem from their lenses! They won’t see it the same way.
So, how do we deal with seeing the world differently from others? How do we make these relationships work if we can’t see how they see it?
Ask questions. Ask how they view the problem.
Don’t assume! Ever! Don’t assume that they SHOULD see it the way you are. When you assume or EXPECT the other person to view the problem as you do, that causes conflict.
Get to know yourself. Figure out how you view the world. You may think you know yourself but when you are triggered you may react differently.
Do the work. Choose to see the other person for the person they are. They love you. You love them. See the person, not the problem! Is the problem worth the conflict?
CHOOSE to be on the same team rather than 2 opposing sides.
Cowles Farm 